Welcome to WeTonglen

Breathe in for All and Breathe out for All

What is WeTonglen?

Welcome to WeTonglen! WeTonglen is a safe community for partners and ex-partners of porn, sex, and love addicts to share their stories of healing and hope, and find comfort and resources to aid on the journey of mending our broken hearts.

Tonglen is the Tibetan practice of sending and receiving - connecting with our suffering and letting it go. As a community, we breathe in healing, and with the help of each other we breathe out our suffering.

At WeTonglen, we believe sex addiction is a deep-seated intimacy disorder created by early life attachment wounds in the addict. After the discovery of sex addiction, we support partners and ex-partners as they experience deeply distressing and traumatic reactions, also known as betrayal trauma. We do not believe the partner or ex-partner of a sex addict is to blame for causing or contributing to the addict’s acting-out behavior. Victim-blaming, collusion with the addict’s gaslighting, and blame-shifting to focus on the supposed contribution of the partner to the addict’s dysfunction can be retraumatizing to partners. 

WeTonglen is based on the perspective of Dr. Rob Weiss’s Prodependence, a model based in the field of attachment science, which does not pathologize partners as inherently damaged individuals, but instead affirms partners as relatively healthy people responding to an incredibly stressful situation.

At WeTonglen, we are here to support each other as we confront our new realities, grapple with life changes we never expected, and aid one another in protecting ourselves with thoughtful boundary-setting and self-care.

Breathe in for All and Breathe out for All

WeTonglen is a private network exclusively for women only.